Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Starting things

So I was looking through my old writings and I've decided I like to start things.
I think the one over the most enjoyable experiences in life is when you start an idea or story…then comes the work, the boredom and possibly the failure. That is not to say I don’t enjoy ending things, in fact the ending can be the best part, but the truth is that the beginning of a story or an idea is all possibilities.I think this same principle applies to life.
At the beginning the whole world is yours to manipulate and achieve. As soon as you pass the threshold of beginning however, doors shut, limits come into view, and the world of possibilities slowly closes in on you.
For example, say you want to be a great dancer, achievable right? of course! but if you really want to be one of the best dancers, you'll need to start young and have the ability to be taught. The sad truth is that a 30 year old might desire to be a great dancer with all their heart, but unless they have experience behind them, while they can learn a lot, a thirty year old body has already developed limits in movement and flexibility that will only increase with time, so unless they did gymnastics or something similar to dance, they can learn to dance, but will never be one of the best. Harsh? yes, but true.
Perhaps this is why I have such a hard time getting through the middle of a story. I can think of a beginning and I can see a picture of an end, but I don't have much experience with the middle. Starting isn't just what I know, that's what my life has been. Now that I've grown older, I've seen the doors close and closing. I realize avenues that looked appealing are no longer available, and now I am forced in the middle, this unfamiliar, under celebrated time where I can't walk certain ways and see the limits around my path. Oddly, enough I find that doors I know I don't want remain open, almost like they think that just because I can't go through the doors that are locked I would want to go through them... maybe that's why so many people make dumb decisions when they get in their 40's, they think the world is closing in on them, so they run through any open door without looking.
Perhaps as I live this sometimes monotonous, but still very new middle I'll learn to write middles to stories. Perhaps the problem I've had only starting stories is that I need to learn to live in the middle myself before I can write characters who get though the middle.

Roller Coaster

Its click, click, click
then your heart begins to echo
bump, bump, bump
you feel yourself falling down

the succession of sound
raises you higher.
10, 20 click-bumps
beating, around
two directions to travel
until the end of the beginning,
just one course to go.
some say the fun has ended,
but those who know,
know the fun is now.